Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone A Parody
by Potterfan1232
Summary: Just a funny parody of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It is hysterical! If you want a laugh read this baby! Story is completed! Still, give me some reviews!
1. Harry Potter The boy who Lived

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

_Author's sayings_

_This is the first chapter of the story. Read and laugh! Hahahahahahahahaha! No seriously, read it._

* * *

Dumbledore is walking in the street in Little Whinging sucking light from lamposts so muggles(Non magical folks.) doesn't see him. Then he sees a cat meowing next to him. 

Dumbledore Aww. A cute little cat next to me. Aww. So cute!

Cat transforms to an ugly woman

Dumbledore Eww! A disgusting, ugly woman is right next to me! Ugh! _Starts running into lamp posts._

McGonagall _Slaps Dumbledore in the face._ Ugly Woman am I!? Well you're an old man!

Dumbledore Well this may be shocking but unlike the real Dumbledore I am a lot younger than him!

McGonagall You ARE the REAL Dumbledore! How can you be a head master if there's too many stupitidy in your brain!

_Dumbledore starts crying. Professor McGonagall ingnores him. Dumbledore stops crying._

Dumbledore Crap! You know fake crying doesn't work anymore! _Smacks his head to a car. Car's glass shatters into pieces._

McGonagall Incase you haven't noticed I always knew you were fake crying all these times!

Dumbledore Really!?

McGonagall So, are the rumors true?

Dumbledore I'm afraid they are. I was bitten by my pet dog BoBo.

McGonagall Not that one! The other one!

Dumbledore Hmm? Oh right!_ Starts laughing._ In Hogwarts we will now use ink from China now.

_A big fat man comes out of nowhere with a baby in his lap. The baby starts to fly in the air and smacked to the floor with a great scar._

Hagrid Now the baby has 2 scars! 1 is permanent and the other is not!

McGonagall So it is true. The boy's parents has died and the boy lived with a lightning bolt scar from He-Who-Must-Not Be-Named.

Hagrid Afraid it is Professor McGonagall.

_Dumbledore takes the baby and puts it down in the door mat with a letter._

Dumbledore Good luck. Hairy Pervert.

McGonagall Wrong name.

Dumbledore Oh! I meant Good luck. Hasel Panther

Hagrid Try again.

Dumbledore Hell Paint?

Mcgonagall _Walks to Dumbledore and whispers something to his ears._

Dumbledore WHAT! That's a frickin stupid, name!

McGonagall I'll buy you 25 free beers.(Teasing voice.)

Dumbledore Good Luck. Harry Potter.

* * *

_Author's Sayings_

_Well. That's the first chapter! Was it funny? I wanna know so WRITE SOME REVIEWS! Reviews make you happy! No Reviews makes you sad. Thank you for reading the first chapter of this parody!_


	2. The Zoo Yay!

_Second Chapter's up! Yay! Chapter 3 coming soon. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe! Well here's the story!_

* * *

_10 years later in Harry's Bedroom._

_Someone bangs on the door. It is his aunt. Petunia._

Petunia Up! Get up! Now!

Harry Yes Petunia.

Dudley _Runs down the stairs and stops to the middle and starts jumping on it. Come on, Cuz! We're going to the zoo!_

_Dudley weighed so much he broke the staircase and smashed onto Harry._

Harry OH!!! How much do you weighed you old pig!?

Dudley Precisely 400 pounds.(Grining.)

Harry Better than weighing 600 pounds at least.

Dudley Wait! That was a dream. I weigh 750 pounds.

Harry OH SHIT!

_In the kitchen_

Vernon Cook my fried eggs boy! Quick now!

Harry Do it yourself you old fart.

_Uncle Vernon takes a knife getting ready to throw it Harry._

Harry Yes, Uncle Vernon!

Petunia Call Ms Nanny 991 to babysit Harry while we're at the zoo!

Vernon No. She's not a babysitter. She helps parents. We might as well have to bring him with us.

Harry Sweet!

_At the zoo in the snake area._

_They are looking at the snake that won't move._

Dudley Make it move!

Vernon But I'll get in trouble if I-

Dudley Move! You stupid snake! You call yourself a viper!

Harry Shut up! I just forgot what I wanted to visit because of you fatso!

_Dudley begins crying._

Vernon Boy! You better shut your lips and tell the viper to move while I think of ways to make you look humiluated!

Harry Yes, Uncle Vernon.

_The Dursley flock went over to another area._

Harry Sorry about him. He's just a stupid, ugly, dumb, fricken,** 30 minutes later...** and crappin fatso!

_Snake moves up and looks at Harry._

Harry Did you just hear me?

Snake Hell yeah I did! You're a Parseltongue and oops! Forget Parseltongue.

Harry Sure thing! Wait for it... wait for it...IT'S GONE!

Snake Perfect. Now can you get me out of here!? I am supposed to be in Wonkaland!

_Harry looks at a sign saying "This snake belongs in Wonkaland."_

Harry Uh-

_Dudley comes out of nowhere and pushes Harry down._

Dudley The snake moved! Sweet! Thank you God!

_Harry gets mad because Dudley thanked God for when he moved the snake and got it talk to him. Suddenly the glass vanishes and Dudley falls in while the snake comes out._

Snake Thanks.

Harry Anytime.

_Snake slithers everywhere scaring campers. When Dudley gets up he gets stuck in the glass wall. Petunia and Vernon sees him in there. Petunia screams._

Dudley Mum! Dad! Help! Help! Help me now!

_Harry starts craking up. Vernon looks at him sternly._

_In the Dursleys' house_

Vernon What happened!?

Harry I just got mad at Dudley so I tried using some magic an-

_Vernon throws Harry into his room._

Vernon There is no such things as magic!

_Closes little opening._

Harry Sure there is! I just used it!

* * *

This chapter wasn't that funny but soon it gets really funny! Just wait! Okay! 


	3. wHOA! A Giant in my house!

_Here's Chapter 3! It's a bit longer than the other chapters and better! Hope you like it._

* * *

_In the house Harry picks up letters and goes to kitchen and gave Uncle Vernon his letters but not his._

Dudley Look Dad! Harry's got a laser! _Takes Harry's lette_r _and gave it to Uncle Vernon._

Harry Laser?

Vernon Who would like to send letters to you? _Looks at the letter._ Oh! There's only 1 thing to do._ Puts the letter under his butt and farts. The letter turns into soot._

_The next day more letters came in._

Vernon_ Sawining where the mail goes in with wood. Din't do very good because there was a wide opening. 15 letters goes in._ Crap! These are all for scarface!

Scarface REALLY?

Harry By Scarface he mans me. Sorry bro.

Scarface Oh..._Fades away._

_In the fire place the letters are all burnt into pieces because of Evil Vernon._

_The Next day..._

Vernon Do you know what I like about Sunday?

Dudley Because I get 20 presents and I take your meal?

Vernon Nope.

Harry Because you get no letters?

Vernon Right on, Harry!

Harry I have a feeling it's going to come out from the chimney.

Vernon Of course not Madman!

_Letters comes from the chimney. 100,000,000,000,000,000,000, all for Harry._

Vernon Ugh! Ahh!_ Sees Harry taking a letter. Snatches it from his hand._ Whacha gonna do now?!

Harry Uh? I dunno. Maybe take the other gajillions letters HERE!!!

Vernon Oh right. Well guess what!

Harry What?

Vernon Um... We're going far away from here! To the Island.

_In the island there was a house where the Durley flock and Harry is in. Dursley flock are asleep. Harry writes HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY! in the sand._

Harry Make a wish Harry!

Harry I wish I can be a Wizard right now.

_The Door falls down and there stood a giant._

Dursleys Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Giant Sorry about that._ Puts door back into place._

_Uncle Vernon takes his shotgun and points it the giant._

Giant_ Looking at Dudley._ Long time no see Harry!

Dudley I'm not... Hi giant!

_Harry pushes Dudley down._

Harry I-I-I'm Harry. Harry Potter.

Giant You're right. The real Harry's not fat. No offense fatso._ Dudley starts crying._ Rubius Hagrid.

Vernon Get out of our bloody house!

_Hagrid goes toward Petunia and Uncle Vernon and takes the gun and breaks it in half._

Harry Why are you here uh Hagrid?

Hagrid Your a Wizard! Harry your a- hold on. _Points umbrella to the fireplace and puts it on fire._ Harry! You ARE a WIZARD!

Harry What!? I'm no Wizard! I'm Harry. Just Harry.

Hagrid Okay, Just Harry. YOU ARE A WIZARD, JUST HARRY!

Harry My name is Harry.

Hagrid Let's just say your a wizard. Oh! Here's proof._ Hands Harry a letter._

Harry_ Reading the letter._ I am a Wizard! Sweet!

Hagrid Here's a small present. _Gives Harry a box._ Accidently sat on it.

Harry Please don't be a kitty._ Opens box and sees a cake with a huge but print._

Harry Thanks! _Puts cake in a nearby chair._

_Dudley eats the cake. Hagrid sees him eating it so he turned his butt into a little pig tail._

Dudley Help!

Petunia My little baby!

Hagrid Wanna go or not?

Harry Not.

Vernon Go stupid! Everybody hates you!

Hagrid Shut up!_ Looks at Harry._ Your choice._ Breaks door again and leaves the house._

Harry ...my wish came true for some reasons. It is either God or magic. I don't care about this fricken school but I'm still going!_ Leaves house._

* * *

_Next Chapter! The train ride!_


	4. The Train Ride

_ In a bar..._

Bartender What do you want?!

Hagrid Nothing but to go somewhere. I'll take 2 cups of wine though. Harry, are you an alcoholic?

Harry What!? Hell no!

People HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!!

_ People asks for autographes._

Harry $100.00 to get my autograph! That's right!

_ Hagrid takes Harry out of the autograph mob._

Harry What the hell!?

_Hagrid taps on a few bricks. The bricks opens up._

Hagrid Welcome to Diagon Alley!

Harry Diaria Ass!? That's weird!

_In Diagon Alley..._

Hagrid So! What school supplies do we buy?

Harry SCHOOL SUPPLIES! BLECH!

Hagrid Magic school supplies.

Harry Um... I have no money.

Hagrid No prob! Go to Gringots Bank.

Harry Why's it in front of us?

_ In the Bank_

Harry Eww! Hideous Goblins! I'm going to puke!_ Starts barfing._

_ They reach the main goblin._

Goblin Were you the guy that said us goblins are hideous?

Harry Hell yeah!

Goblin Congradulation! You get the Sorcerer Stone-oops. Forget what I said.

Harry Okay! Bye bye 10 seconds memory.

Hagrid Here's a letter and key to Harry's bank.

_ Goblin takes the letter and key._ Goblin 2,768!

_ In the vault..._

Goblin 2,768 Key!

_ Hagrid hands a key to the goblin. The Goblin opens the vault and there stood 100,000,000,000,000 knuts, 200,000,904,000,000 sickles and 500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000..._**10 minutes later...** 000 galleons.

Hagrid Take the money,Harry.Goblin! Take us to the Stone vault.

_ In the Stone Vault Hagrid takes a small bag and stuffs it in his pocket._

Hagrid Top Secret, Harry! Top secret. Lets buy our stuff now!

_ Back outside kids are looking at a broom as if it was $9999999999999999.00._

Harry Are you kids mental!? It's just a stupid broom!

Nerd Stupid Broom! Are you mental!

Cool guy It's the Nimbus 2000!

Weirdo The fastest broom ever invented!

Harry Err... Right. I guess...

_ 2 hours later._

Hagrid Got everything?

Harry All but a wand.

Hagrid Buy it in Olivander's Wand Shop!_ Points at a wand shop._ They have everything! I'll buy your owl while you're there!_ Leaves poor Harry all alone._

Harry Why is everything right in front of us when Hagrid says to go somewhere. Whats next!? A Poop Shop!?_ Poop Shop appears out of nowhere._ Crap!_ Walks into the shop._

Harry Hello!?

_Out of nowhere a guy appears. _

Guy What wand do you want?

Harry One without a star, bunny, puppy, or Hat.

Guy Oh! In here we don't sell those but this!_ Throws a wand at Harry._Give it a wave!

Harry It's a stick... AH! Who the hell cares! _Waves wand. Mirror breaks._ Sweet! I think I am the chosen one!

Guy Lets try this one._ Hands Harry another wand._

Harry _Harry waves the wand. All the wands gets destroyed._ This one loves me more!

Guy Hmm. Not good enough.

Harry You got a point there. Not enough damage was occured. GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE!

_Guy hands Harry a wand._

Harry _Wand glows up. _No damage has been done. Nope. This is the wrong one.

Guy The right wand! There is something very strange though.

Harry Yeah! They made a "Learn to Pee" shop in the street.

Guy Not that. It seems someone has the same wand you have. A Phoenix has given another feather to another person.

Harry Right...

_In a bar..._

Harry Why am I famous?

Hagrid Uh? Hmm. Well you survived from this dude.

Harry Dude? Who's the dude? Lord Voldemort?

Hagrid Lord- hey! How did you know!?

Harry I'm reading my story. "Harry Potter and the Sorcerers/Philosopher's Stone."

Hagrid That explains a lot. Well it all happened like this. Your mom tried to protect to you from Lord Voldemort. He killed your mom but you survived. Your mother died. When he tried to kill you he failed and was fataled. He left you with that scar.

Harry Voldemort tried to kill...me?

Hagrid Did you hear what I said!? Yes! He tried to kill you!

Harry ...Sweet!

_ In a platform to get to hogwarts. _

Hagrid Blimey, Harry! Gotta go! Here keep this!_ Gives Harry a letter._

Harrybut Hagrid! There is no 3/4 platform...Hagrid?_ Sees Harry is not with him._ Crap! Who's going to carry all these now?! I have to carry these all by myself!_ Harry hears a voice that sounds like Obi Wan._

Obi Wan Use the force, Harry.

Harry Ben... I need you to SHUT UP!

Obi Wan Sigh. No one likes this quate anymore. Sigh.

_Harry suddenly thinks of a plan! He takes 2 rocks and rub them together they ar weathered. He takes the dust that was weathered and them everywhere in his body. He dropped to the floor as if he got hurt with his stuff everywhere._

Harry Ow! Help! Help!

_A nearby ticket taker gets Harry up._

Harry Thanks! Can you get my luggage?

Ticket taker Uh...sure.

_6 minutes later Harry hears someone say "Hogwarts."_

Harry Leave it here! _Gets his luggage and goes to the family that said._

Mother Okay Fred! You go!

George I'm not Fred! I'm George!

Mother Really!?

Fred Hell yeah! I'm Fred! Nice to meet you!

Mother Just go! _Fred gets ready to run to the wall. _Are you really Fred?

Fred Do I like the lying type?

Mother Yes.

Fred Crap!_ Runs into the wall and lived._

Harry Excuse me! I heard you said you know how to get to Hogwarts! It's my first year!

Mother OKAY! I heard you! Don't yell... it's your first year! Same with Ron! _A freckled boy appears out of nowhere._ Run to the wall and your there!

Harry Okay!_ Runs into a wall and falls down and gets hurt. I thought you said that it would work!_

Ron Sorry! I was eager to try out my wand

_Harry runs into the wall and sees a train._


	5. The Train, the Hat, and the Weirdos

_I didn't get to finish the chapter Train Ride because I lost my space to type. Sorry but it wasn't my fault. Here's a chapter!_

* * *

_In the train..._

Harry Hmm. This is a good seat! I hope no one comes here.

_Ron comes out of nowhere._

Ron Can I sit here? There's no where else to sit.

Harry Hell no! Crap! God! Why did you give me my opposite wish!

Ron Sucks for you because I'm sitting here!_ Sits down._

Harry Oh no you don't!_ Starts punching Ron._

_Ron:Puch, Harry:kick, Harry:punch, Ron slaps, Harry: Headbutt, Ron:Thrusts, Ron:Hard Punch, Both:Kicks in the nuts._

Together Aww! My future baby!

Cart Lady Want Anything?

Harry No. Fine but you give me half price. If you don't no money is given.

Cart Lady Crap. Shouldn't have came here and took the job in first place.

_10 minutes later Harry and the Loser/Ron are eating what they ordered. _

Ron Hey! My brother Fred or George taught me a spell of how to turn Scabber yellow!

Harry Stagpee? Isn't that a male's deer pee if that whats you mean?

Ron Scabber. My pet rat. He's useless. Wanna see me try the spell?

Harry No.

Ron All right Bud. Sunshine Daisy-_ Girl comes out of nowhere._

Girl Have you seen a toad? Neville lost his._ Looks at Ron._ Your going to use a spell. Lets see then.

Ron Who the hell are you?_ Talks like Shelle in "Joe Zombie." Watch it on Newgrounds._

Hermione Excuse me!? I'm Hermione. The genius. TRY THE SPELL!

Ron Spell what?

Harry No offense Ron or anything but your really... weird and stupid. By spell she meant to do the spell as if magic.

Ron Oh...why didn't you say so!?

Hermione We did.

Ron Shut up Geek! **Sunshine Daisy Butter Mellow Turn this stupid rat Yellow!**_ Scabber's bertie Botts every flavor beans flew everywhere._

Hermione Are you sure that''s even a real spell?

Ron Yeah! It's so cool!

Harry What is?

Ron The bertie Botts every flavor beans are yellow but since I didn't learn how to use my wand properly at school I made some of the beans yellow.

Harry They came out like that.

Hermione I learned a few spells but I know how to use them well. Wanna see some?

Harry Hell no! Look at what I learned! **Flipendo!**_ Hermione hits a chair and then a window._

Hermione What did I did I do, dumbass!?

Harry I don't know. I felt like doing it.

Hermione Screw you! You better get ready. We're almost there.

_Outside they see Hagrid and follows him. They row in a lake. Hedwig Song._

Ron Are we there yet?

Harry No.

Ron_ 5 seconds later._ Are we there yet?

Harry Yes.

Ron Really?

Harry NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hagrid Shh!!!

_In the castle._

McGonagall Kids! In a few minutes you will be Sorted by this Sissy I mean Sorting Hat. _Goes to the great hall._

_Out of nowhere a guy with a lot of gel went to Harry._

Gel Dude So it's true. The boy who lived is here.

Harry Harry. Harry Potter.

Malfoy Names Malfoy. Draco Malfoy.

Ron Hahahahahahahahahaha! Malfoy! What in the freakin name is that.

Malfoy You think my name is funny. You got hand me down robes. You must be a weasley.

Ron Got a problem if stupid is the weasleys!?

Hemione Shut up, Draycrap.

Malfoy So you have these 2 wimps as your friend. You should be mine. They're worthless.

Harry Okay! How much!?

Malfoy 2 knuts.

Harry Hell no!

_Professor McGonagall comes out nowhere and taps Malfoy on the shoulder to go back in the line. They walked into the Great Hall and saw a hat._

Dumbledore The Stupid- _a teacher whispers to him._ 10 galleons. Deal! The Sorting Ceremoney shall begin!

McGonagall Hermione Granger! _Hermione walks up._

Sorting hat Ack! Too many geekyness is in your brain! Go wherever you want!_ Hermione runs to the Slytherin table until George pulled her back into Gryffindor's table._

McGonagall Susan Bones! Girl walkes up.

Harry What Alphabethical order is this!?

Sorting Hat Too many bones are in your body. Hmm. Hufflepuff had a bones so go there! _Susan runs to a table._

McGonagall Draco Malfoy!_ Malfoy walks up._

Sorting Hat Too much Hairgel! Since you father was in Slytherin you should go to Slytherin._ Malfoy runs to a table._

McGonagall Ronald Weasley! Ron goes up.

Sorting Hat A Weasley. You have been awfully bad this year! Good job! Gryffindor!_ Ron runs to a table._

McGonagall Harry Potter! _Harry goes up._

Sorting Hat Very difficuld indeed. Very._ Harry whispering "Not Gryffindor."_ Not Gryffindor ehh! You'll be great out there! Really! I'll put you in Gryffindor.

Harry Crap! _Sadly walks to the table and sits with Percy.(Ron's Brother.)_

Percy First Timer ehh?

Harry Yah! Who's the greasy hair dude next to Dumbledore.

Percy Snape? He's not bad. He's the potion teacher.

_Snape scribbles on his teeth "I am the Half Blooded Prince. Dumbledore shall die._

Percy_ Not looking at Harry_. He gave 40 As out 20 tests.

Harry How do you get 40 As out of 20 tests?

Percy Mind your own buisness!

Harry This is my buisness._ Snape yells out "Petrifcus Totalus!" It missed Harry because he did the Matrix and hits another student._

Percy Forget Snape. Watch out for Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Hagrid. They are mean!

Harry_ Sees them looking at the Christmas list they recieved. They all get presents on Christmas although Snape on the other hand does not._ Right.

* * *

_Stayed tune for the next chapter! Can't make any promises what it will be. Sorry._


	6. The Potion's Menace

_This is the next chapter I hope you like it. In the chapter instead of the Phantom's Menace from Star Wars I putted in The Potion's Menace! Hahaha!

* * *

_

_In the Hall Harry and Ron are running to the lesson they have missed._

Harry This is all you fault!

Ron My fault! I did nothing but said we were 10 minutes early. Hey Harry! Guess what! We're 10 minutes early!

Harry Shut the hell up!

_Ron starts crying._

Harry Shut up! We're in our class! Good thing Proffesor McGonagall didn't notice!

O_ut of nowhere a cat appears and turns into Proffesor McGonagall._

Ron Oh Shit!

McGonagall Must I turn you into maps.

Harry How does it feel being 1?

McGonagall Shut up and go to your seat!

Ron Make me.

_Proffesor McGonagall kicks Ron in the nuts and Punches him_

Everyone Proffesor McGonagall!

_In Snape's Class._

Snape All you mudbloods guess what!?

Only Hermione What?

Snape 5 points from Gryffindor for bothering me! If your Mudbloods 10 points from you asses! For Pure bloods! 20 points to Slytherin and only Slytherins!

_Mudbloods starts bursting into tears._

Harry Sweet! I was born from a wizard and Witch! Sweet! That makes me Pure blood!

Ron Yes but your mom was a mudblood so you are to!

Harry For Question 1 I'm reading Chamber of Secrets and is up to that part. Oh yeah! I forgot. Crap! I'm a stupid, rotten, mud blood! _Joins the crying mob._

_Hermione cries louder than ever._

Snape Sillence you Idiotic freaks! Not saying it to Slytherin! Copy these down. _Starts talking for 30 seconds. _And there are some people that can't pay any craps at all!

Harry WHAT! I'm copying all your stupid craps down!

Snape Lets see what you know! What happens if you put Wiggenweld bark and flobberworm mucus together?

_Hermione only raising her hand._

Harry Everybody know this! It is the Wiggenweld Potion! The healing potion!

Snape Wrong you Perv! It is the Wiggenweld Potion! 10 points from Gryffindor!

Harry That's what I said you old shit! Are bloody deaf!?

Snape Just for that! 5 points from Gryffindor and another 5 for-for-for. _Thinks for an excuse._

Harry For what?

Snape For talking when I told you not to! How dare you!

Harry Hey! At least they don't call me Grease Hair!

Snape What does this have to do with that!?

Hermione Well... Everybody calls you Grease Hair because well... Your hair is all greasy.

Snape Stay out of this Geek!

Hermione Pervert!

Snape Nerd!

Hermione Goth!

Snape That's not fair.

Harry Hey! I'm supposed to be fighting with you! Snape's right. You should stay out of this.

Hermione Then you guys would never have love but anger.

Harry and Snape Love!? Blech! Who loves love!? We love anger!

Ron They do have a point there.

Hermione Shut up Weirdo!

Malfoy Whoo! Fight! Fight! Fight!_ People joins in._ Fight! Fight! Fight!

Ron Hey! At least I'm not a geek unlike you!

Everyone Ooh!

Hermione Well at least I don't live in a Bin!

Everyone Oh snap!

Snape Hey I lived in a Bin when I was young!

Harry Screw you! If my family never died I would be living by mansion by now but that stupid Voldemolt dude killed them so now I live in a house and not my dream house!

Everyone Gasps!

Snape 25 points from Gryffindor!

Hermione Make it 30!

Ron 50!

Harry What the hell did I do!

Ron You just said You know who!

Harry Who's You know who?

Snape Moldywarts. I used to work with him!

Everyone Gasp! He's going to kill us! RUN!_ Everybody starts running away._

Harry Moldywarts? Oh! You mean Voldemort!

Snape Another 50 points from Gryffindor!

Ron Shut up! I'm starting to melt from that word! _Harry sees Ron's legs has turned into melted wax._

Hermione You killing my geekness! I don't even remember 1+1! Is that... 423,692,709,575,321,781-_ 2 minutes later._ 678,999,642-.

Harry, Ron, and Snape Will you shut up!?

Harry The answer is a simple 2!

Ron Really! I thought it was 678, 908,742,474,573,532,353,111,297,678.

Snape Out!_ Boots the 3 of them out._

Harry Shit.

Snape 20 points from Gryffindor for saying shit.

Harry Crap.

_

* * *

_

_I thought this was preety funny. How about you? I want reviews Passport please._


	7. Robbed and Flight

_ Well! Here is the next chapter! I hope you like this chapter! By the way. Please people review! I want you read this funny story so that you can review! Here is the story!_

* * *

_ In the great hall the student are eating and suddenly owls appears throwing down presents. 1 poops on Ron's head._

Ron Hey! Yeah you bloody birds come back here! You! Come down here for a fight!

Owl Should I help you fight him?

Owl No. This is sacrifice. _Swoops down and starts pecking Ron._

Ron Is that-OW! The-OUCH! You bloody- PLUH! stupid owl got!?OUCH! OW! OW!!!!!!

Harry Maybe I should help you.

Ron No! This is 1 man to 1 owl.

Harry Suit yourself._ Sees Neville got a remembrall._ Oh! Lucky! YOU GOT ALL THESE CRAPS BUT ME! WHAT ABOUT ME!_ Looks at Daily Prophets._ I'll steal 1 of Ron's mail. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_ Everybody stares at him. Harry blushes in embarassment._

Harry Goblins in Gringotts Bank has been robbed. Nothing was stolen except for the gringotts toilet. People thinks Ron Weasley has done it. He has gotten the World Record at Stealing 10 toilet in 2 seconds. Ron look at this! _Sees Ron is drinking from the toilet._

Ron Yum! Poop flavor! How about Diareah flavor? _Tries out a random toilet._

Harry Wow! That was fast! You got 50 toilets! Sweet! Get us money like that!

Ron Like how? Yum! Pee.

Harry Sell the toilets you have stolen.

Ron Hell no! These Toilets has Barf flavors and they are rare!

Harry Bye bye future money. I'll see you in my dreams unless I get you. Oh! I wanna have sex with you!

Ron Okay...lets see. Ooh! Blood Flavor! Yum! I wonder what happens if you eat this! I never ate this before._ Drinks blood toilet._ Hmm. Too plain. I like Barf Flavors!

Harry Lets hope you don't turn into blood flavor. This sucks! We're going to have broom lessons.

_ Outside at Broom Lessons._

Hooch Hello Perverts I mean Darlings. I am your teacher Madam Hooch! Now we will learn how do some neat stuff today! Now to get your broom say up.

Everyone Up!_ Only Harry and Malfoy gets there broom._

Hermione Up! Up! Up. Up! Geek! Wait. I just said geek.

Ron Up! Up! Up! Maybe if I say it backwords it will come to me! Down!_ Broom goes up flying and hits Ron's nuts. Oh Shit!_

Hooch At my whistle you will glide very low. 1 and a 2 and a 3 go! _Only Neviles in the air._ Get back down here now!

Nevile I would if I knew how to! By the way this is fun and ea- Ow! _Smacks into a castle_. Whee! I got the hang of-Ow!_ Get hit in the nuts by a statue holding up 3 swords._ Whoo! I lived!

Hooch Get back down here!

Nevile No! I'm a believer I can fly!_ Smacks into a door. _Ouch! I'm a believer I can touch the sky!!! Ouch!_ Gets stuck in a torch and then very soon falls to the ground._

Malfoy Sweet! He's dead! _Takes Remembrall._

Hooch Ooh! Bad pain. Follow me to the Hospital Wing. If I see 1 of you in the air you will be expelled before you can say quiditch!_ Leaves with Nevile._

Harry I saw you get Nevile's Remembrall! Give it to me! I want to keep it!

Malfoy No! You'll have to get me! _Glides in the air._

Harry Is that the best you got!?

_ Malfoy soars into the air._

Harry Shit.

Hermione Harry! It's just a Remembrall. Neville will get it back. Don't worry.

Harry Screw Neville! I want to get the Remembrall! I'm not sure if I left my book in Herbology. _Soars into the air._

Ron My hero! Sigh.

_ Everybody stares at Ron._

Ron What!?

_ In the air._

Harry Give it to me or I'll knock you off you broom!

Malfoy Is that so? How will you do that?

Harry Err. _Goes behind Malfoy and smacks_ _Malfoy's hair. There was a ting._ Oh shit! How much hairgel is in your fricken hair!?

Malfoy 6 bottles. It is added in for shielding.

Harry Screw that! _Flips Malfoy._ Was that fun?

Malfoy Have it your own way then._ Tosses Remembrall._

_ Harry zooms to get it. It breaks a window. Crash! A teacher throws it back. The Remembrall falls into a gutter. Harry zooms down to the end of and caught it._

Harry Sweet! So I did forget my Book in Herbology!

_ Kids goes all around to Harry. Proffesor McGonagall comes in._

McGonagall Harry!

Harry Oh shit.

_ They walk back inside and goes into the Defense Against the Dark Arts Room._

McGonagall May I borrow Woods?

Quirell No.

_ Wood comes out when Quirell said no._

McGonagall Harry! Wood! Wood! Harry!

Wood Who the hell are you!?

Harry A guy that has to go to Herbology because I left a book inside.

McGonagall I think we have found a new seeker!

Wood HIM! What the hell can he do! We'll lose quiditch because of him! Curse this school!

_ Outside in the grounds_

Harry I can't wait for my game!

George You shouldn't! Someone died last year. Watcher Arania.

Fred Funny name! Wait! Will Tavern died a month ago!

Harry A month! A fricken month!

Fred To make it worst! George Walten died a week ago.

George Anna Craig died just yesterday!

Harry What's next!? Someone else is going to die!

_ A guy wearing a quiditch uniform fell from the air and died._

Harry Is this a safe game!?

George Don't worry! We're beaters. We make sure you don't get too bloody beaten up.

Fred Sorry if you do!

_ Hermione comes running in._

Harry I know! Follow you!

_ In the castle they see a case with badges. Hermione pointed too one that says "BOOGER CRAP."_

Hermione Whoops! Wrong name!_ "__Points to JAMES POTTER."_

Ron Why didn't you tell us!?

Harry Ehh! I didn't feel like it. I like being in the center of attention. You know! My story! Not yours.

* * *

_ Did you like this chapter? I thought it was the best 1 I have wrote yet! I hope the next chapter is better than this. Well I hope you give me some reviews. I would like some._


	8. 3 Headed Dogs, Quiditch Practice, Charms

_ Here_ _is another chapter you may enjoy. Please People! Give out some reviews! I'd like to know how my story is! On with the story._

_

* * *

_

_ While the trios tries go somewhere they get a bit of an accident._

Harry What the hell! The stairs is going up to the restricted room! Damn you stupid charms! Look at what you have done to us! You-!

Hermione Don't get overboard._ The stairs stops moving._

Ron Hey! The stairs stopped moving!

Harry The first smartest thing you have ever said.

Ron I know!_ The 2 out of 3 trios walks into a door._ Wait a minute! _Runs into the door._

Harry We haven't been seen! Sweet!_ Sees Filch's cat_

Hemione AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ron Wait! It's only Filch's Cat.

_ Trios sighs in relief._

Harry Filch's cat?

Trio AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!_ Keeps on screaming until Ron hits a door._

Ron The hell with that door!_ Punches door. _Ow!_ Kicks door._ Oh shit!_ Headbutts door._ Ahh! Something bit me!

Harry Really!? Oh wait! Hold on. Hmm... Filch's cat is getting Filch.

Ron _Screams like a girl. Everybody stares at him._ What!?

Hermione Oh move over! **Aloho-.**

Harry Hold it there missy! You cast too many spells in the movie. Almost all of them. Give someone else a turn like Ron.

Ron Sweet! **Aloho um. um.**_ Hermione whispers something in his ears._ **Alohomora!**_ Door remains still._ Was that supposed to happen?

Hermione No.

Ron Open up you fricken door!_ Kicks door. Doesn't care about the pain. Door starts breaking and there is a hole._

Harry Nice Ron! Lets go!_ The trios runs into the door and sees a three head Hellhound/dog. _

Ron and Hermione Aww! Such a cute dog! Oh yes you are!

Harry It's about to kill us!

Ron Cast a spell on it or something.

Hermione Yeah.

Harry I guess it's up to me. **Incendio!**_ The burning spell was swallowed by the middle dog. The 2 other dogs started fighting with the middle one._

Harry Er... I got 1 easy plan. RUN!!!!!! _Harry is the only one running everywhere and goes to the door. Comes back._Come on! Let's go!

Hermione You can go. We love pettin this dog._ Pets dog._

Harry Do I have to!_ Pushes Ron and Hermione out of the room all the way to the common room_

Ron What the hell!?

Harry Didn't you see what was under the dogs feet!?

Ron Poops?

Hermione A trapdoor! What else! While I was I was oetting the cute little er. Not so little dog I saw a trapdoor under its feet. It is guarding something.

Harry No duh!

Hermione You could have got us killed or worse! Expelled. _Goes to the girls Dorm._

Harry How is it my fault!?

Ron She's a girl man! A girl!

_ The next day in the grounds._

Wood Got Everything?

Harry Shut up and tell me about quidditch!

Wood It's a game where you are flying on brooms and 2 teams versus each other. 3 chasers. 1 keeper, 2 beaters. 1 Seeker.

Harry No duh! That's like in every sports you can find idiot!

Wood_ Takes out a ball._ This is the quafle. The chasers try to hey! Stop skipping rocks in the ocean! _Sees Harry ignored everything Wood said but turned to him._

Harry Whaaaaatttt!? I know what your saying! Something about 3 crazies. 1 kettle. 2 bastards and 1 beaker! Then you show me a squartle! What's next!? An idiot comes down from the sky!?_ An idiot comes down from the sky._

Wood Must I tell you everything again!?

Harry Nah! Too many sports are in a single game. That makes it more boring. Get me some chicken. Chop chop!

Wood Anyway! The chasers tries to throw them into hoops to score us point! Me! I am the keeper. I protect our goals from getting scored. With me so far?

Harry Uh huh. canoly, bloopers, something to do with soup. Yes-a-roo!

Wood No-a-roo! I don't give a crap though. I have Potions in 10 more minutes. Now this is a bludger._ Takes out a ball._ You might need this._ Hands Harry a bat._

Harry Why?_ Bludger flies to the air and hits Harry in the butt, the groin/nuts, and the scar. _Why is it always the private!_ Swings his bat and tries hitting the bludger but hits his nuts._ Oh shit! The object of this ball is to hit everybodies private places and humilating people!

Wood Er... Sort of. _Takes out a ball._ You! You capture this! The golden snitch. Here!_ Gives Harry the ball. _It's almost impossible to fricken see.

Harry _Throws snitch up and catches it._ That was easy._ Does it multiple times._

Wood It's really hard to see when you're up in the air.

Harry Right...

_In Charms Class._

Flitwick Now you will levitate your feathers! Use your wand like this. Swish and flick! Now say **Wingadium Leviousa**.

Everybody **Wingadiam Leviousar!**

Ron** Wingadilitohet Pervert!**

Hermione You're saying it wrong! It is Wingadiam Leviousa! Not...what you said! Look! **Wingadiam Leviousa!**_ Feather stays there._

Ron Oh! Thanks! Wrong enunciation I did ehh?

Flitwick I am extremely disapointed at you Hermione! You try to tell someone you can do something but you did it all wrong! Shame!

_Outside the grounds._

Ron It's er... what you said! Not Wigadilitohet Pervert! Mocking Voice. She's a nightmare! No wonder she has no friends!_ Hermione comes by and kicks Ron in the nuts. No one notices._

Harry I think she heard you.

Ron Good! Whenever I try to say a mean thing to Hermione she says wait! I'm busy at the moment! Screw that!

* * *

_Liked it? I hope you did. I didn't really laugh at this chapter. I only laughed at the time Harry got hit in the nuts by a bludger. Overall! I think it was quite good! What about you? How do you react? Tell me in your reviews! Thank you for reading this chapter!_


	9. Gifts, You, and a Troll

_The next Chapter of the story! I hope you like it! I write too much everyday! I might even this in 1 more week! If you want me to the story my fan! You will have to wait a bit more. Anywhere back to the story!_

* * *

_In the Great Hall_. 

Harry I wonder if I wish for a gift I can get what I want! I wish I can fly up in the air fast._ Harry, Ron, and Hermione suddenly sees 1 owl with a present. It dropped its present on Ron and it pooped all over him. _Sweet! _Opens up Present. There was a broom._ Aw man! I got a piece of crap! A kendo stick with a dumb shits at the bottom of this. Whoever sent this is a completly asshole!

Ron You retard! It's a Nimbus 2000!

Hermione And it was sent by Proffesor McGonagall!

Harry Holy shit.

Ron You got the fastest broom ever invented!

Harry I forgot what I did to those kids when they first spotted this broom?

Flashback

Nerd Are you a bastard!?

Harry You're a stupid geek!

Weirdo A geek is not stupid!

Harry Call this stupid! _Punches Weirdo. Punches geek. Punches Cool Dude. Beats them up._ I'm tough you young shit! _Walks away with a small stick in his mouth._

Flashback ends

Harry Should I do that to Ron. Hmm.

Ron Do what!?

Harry Err... smack you with this broom?

Ron Oh shit.

_In Halloween._

Harry Where's Hermione?

Ron Complete rubbish on that! Who the hell cares about her! She's a geek!

Neville I saw her in the Girl's Bathroom. She was crying mad!

Harry Neville? What were you doing in the girl's bathroom?

_Awkward pause. Crickets starts chirping._

Neville Doing Diahrea.

Ron Sweet! I hope there's still some there! You didn't flush it did you?!

Neville Er. I can't remember.

Ron Crap!

Dumbledore Since it is Halloween! We shall eat you!

_Children starts paniking._

Malfoy Run! He's going to kill us all! Ahhhhh!

Ron What the hell! Is Halloween the menu for students! Eyah!!!!!!

Hedwig Why did I come here in the first place! _Flies everywhere._

_Quirell _comes_ in._

_Quirell_Troll! There's a troll on the loose! There really is! Thought you wanted to know._ Faints._

Harry A troll? Honestly Proffesor Quirell that's nothing I killed a few river trolls in my video games. Well Dudley's really. Who cares about that shit!? WE'RE GOING TO BE EATEN BY THE FRICKEN TEACHERS! _Starts running around everywhere._

Dumbledore There's a troll on the loose! _Screams like a little girl running around everywhere._

McGonagall Er...since Dumbledore has gone...eccentric you house prefects to your dormitories! Meanwhile I'll eat you!

_Everybody even the prefects runs out of the Great hall paniking._

Dumbledore I wonder why nobody likes your Halloween food. It's tasty! _Pulls out a biscuit stuffed with chocolate._

McGonagall I'll have to shut that company down. They make some rubbish. People hates eating yous.

_Meanwhile..._

Ron AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! RUN!

Harry AHHHHHHHH!_ Coughes._ AHHH! Wait! Remember what happened!?

Both Hmm...

_Flashback._

Harry Where's Hermione?

Ron Complete rubbish on that! Who the hell cares about her! She's a geek!

Neville I saw her in the Girl's Bathroom. She was crying mad!

Harry Neville? What were you doing in the girl's bathroom?

_Awkward pause. Crickets starts chirping._

Neville Doing Diahrea.

Ron Sweet! I hope there's still some there! You didn't flush it did you?!

Neville Er. I can't remember.

Ron Crap!

_Flashback ends._

Ron Yeah. Why!?

Harry It's Hermione! She doesn't know! Lets go to the girls bathroom and save her!

Ron To hell with that! She's just a geek brain!

_Pulls Ron to the Girls Bathroom and sees a troll trying to attack Hermione but does terreble,hard swings destroying the toilets._

Ron Err. Well. Eh heh. You're here so good luck with your saving Hermione thing!_ Starts running away but Harry pulls him back._

Harry Throw woods at him!_ Throws random woods. _

Ron _In the toilet._ I'll be with yah! After I find Neville's toilet! I wonder if this barf toilet has some good taste.

Harry Oh well. It looks like it's up to me. **FLIPENDO!**

_Troll gets hit by the spell and turns to Harry._

Troll Huh! Huh! Hyuh! Huah! Hun! Hun! Hun! Huarg! (You just had attacked me with a spell!)_ Picks Harry up._

_Harry climbs on the Trolls back and putted his wand up its nose._

Ron Okay! Harry! Couldn't find Neville's toilet so I will help you with your fight and oh crap!_ Sees Harry's leg is being holded by the troll while the troll is trying to kill the hell out u him._

Harry Do something!_ Dodge._

Ron What!?

Harry Anything!_ Dodge._

Ron Okay! _Runs over to Hermione._ I'll keep you safe my love!

Hermione Get away from me you pervert! Save Harry with a swish and flick!

Ron Slice and Dice?

Hermione Ron! You are bloody deaf! Use **Wingardiam Leviosa**!

Ron Why? _His mind._ " can get Hermione's love if I cast a beautiful spell!"Okay Hermione! **Wingardiam Leviosa!**_ Club is levitated. Ron drops it on the Trolls head and was knocked out._

Hermione Is it... dead?

Ron Yes my love! It is!

Hermione Why is Ron more a pervert today!? I mean he always was but not like this!

Harry He forget to take his pills. That might be the reason.

_Proffesor Snape, McGonagall, and Quirell came in yelling._

McGonagall Explain yourself!

Harry Snape did it!

Snape You little shit! 5points from Gryffindor!

Harry Is that the best you got!? Decreasing Gryffindor's Point!?

Quirrel L-l-lets n-not get t-t-too r-rash now!

Snape Stay out of this Weasel!

McGonagall 5 points to Gryffindor only because I want you to win the House cup! Lets go now!

_Teachers leave._

Harry He was limping! He sent the troll to get us but failed and was bitten by the 3 headed dog! Snape wants whatever is in there!

Ron What other clues do you have Sherlock Holmes?

Harry A lot more than you think.

* * *

_Well! That's the end of this chapter! I thought it was quite funny. Espeacially the Flashback parts! You have to admit that that part was funny! I swear! Well! Keep reading soon! Stay in touch!_


	10. Quidditch

_ Here's a fun chapter! Hope you live from your laughter. Good luck._

* * *

_ At the Great Hall._

Harry Sweet! First match ever today!

Hermione You should eat. You need your energy today.

Harry SCREW THAT! I remember everything for quackdoo! 3 lasers, 2 heaters, 1 dipper, 1 beaker! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! There's 4 balls. A squartle, 2 Dodgers, and the Shoulder ditch! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I got it alright!

Ron Right, Sherlock. Err. About the Snape limping thing it seems that you're right.

Harry Hell yeah I am! He was bitten by a dumb hellhound!

Snape Hey! Who told you that! I mean! Err. What the hell are you talking about?

_Trio turns around._

Harry and Hermione Harry's/my quidditch match!

Only Ron How did you come here you big Ass! You were bitten a fricken dog!

Snape There was 3 of them! I mean what dog!? If your talking about BoBo that is the dog that bit Dumbledore!

Ron I know your lying! Give it up!

Harry and Hermione SHUT UP YOU ASS!

Snape 10 points from Gryffindor.

Harry 10 points my ass! _Shows his butt._

Snape Very well._ Throws a dart in the middle of Harry's ass._

Harry OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ Starts running aroung everywhere._

Hermione Stand still! I'll burn it! **Incendio!**_ Spell burns the dart but singes Harry's Ass._

Harry AHH!!! GOD! HELP!!!

Snape I hope you break a leg Harry in your match.

_Harry_ says nothing and Hermione whispers something to him.

Harry Oh! Really!? Okay! Thank you snape!

Snape  What!!!???

Harry You just said Good luck in a good way! I thank you!

Snape Crap. You knew I didn't mean it that way.

_Inside the Gryffindor Quidditch Place._

Wood So I want you! Harry! Stop throwing stink pellets everywhere! I want you to only rely on the golden snitch. Okay.

Harry Yeah Sure What the hell.

Wood Are you nervous?

Harry Nah! What happened in your first game?

Wood Can't remember. Got hit by a bludger. Woke up a week later in the Hospital Wing.

Harry OK! NOW I'm nervous! Why did you have to tell me that!?

Wood Why'd you ask me?

Harry Because I thought this was going to be a fair game!

Wood Shut up. So what's your plan?

Harry My plan is not to have a plan.

Wood That's stupid.

Harry Shut up! My plan is not stupid Tree Wood!

Wood What did you call me!?

Harry Tree Wood!? Are you bloody deaf.

Wood I have a feeling I soon will be. Okay team! Get ready in 3-2-1! GO!!!

_Gryffindor team soars into the air with Slytherin._

Everybody Go! Go! Gryffindor! Go! Go! Gryffindor! Go! Go! Gryffindor!

Harry Hey lady! Take a good snapshot of me! OW! Not my eye, Alicia!

Alicia I got the great Harry mad! I'm sorry your lord ship!

_The two teams gets into their position._

Hooch I want you to play a good, clean game! Remember! The snitch is worth 150 points! If you catch it you also end the game! Now the Quaffle up!_ Throws a red ball up._ And the Game begins!

_The Gryffindor chasers catches the ball and throws it in a hoop. 10 points for Gryffindor! Slytherin gets jealous and starts throwing stink pellets at the Gryffindor team. _

Harry Ooh! Missed me! Missed me again! Is that the best you got!? Haha! My good odor is to strong fot that stink pellet! BWAHAHAHAHA! Girls! You should take some flashes of me dodging these! Hahahaha! I'm invincible!

_All but Slytherin girls takes a picture and sighs._

_ In the audience._

Ron No fair. Harry has the good luck and is brave! Hermione has all the brains! What do I have!? NOTHING!

Hermione The only thing you're meant for is to do stupid things and be Harry's Sidekick.

Ron SIDEKICK! SIDEKICK! SIDEKICK! I HATE BEING A SIDEKICK!

Hagrid Sucks for you then.

Ron When did you come here!?

_Back in the game._

Harry_ Kicks away bludgers and yawns._ This won't happen many times girls! You better record this.

Wood_ Gets next to Harry_ You better shut up and look for the snitch we already lost a chaser!

Harry Sucks for that person! I like being in the center of attention! You just block those hoops alright!

WoodBut._ Bludger hits and he falls down._

Harry Holy shit! I'm all alone! Our leader died! Ahhhh!!!!!!_Flies everywhere until he sees a snitch. _Sweet.

_Harry dives for it but then his broom started going crazy and starts hitting him in the nuts._

Harry_Christmas Tune._ Ow Ow Ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ouch Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow! I knew I couldn't trust that stupid woman McGonagall! Whoa!

_In the audience._

Hermione Snape's jinxing the broom!

Ron I don't know. I have a feeling Quirrels doing it.

Hermione I'm Going to have to burn his cloak.

Ron Okay! Get to work Hermione!

_Hermione runs to the teachers stage and is under snapes chair. She goes to his cloak._

Hermione **Incendio.**_ Snape is on fire._

Snape HOLY SHIT! I'M ON FIRE!

Quirrel Hell yeah you are!

_Back at the match._

HarryHey! It stopped! Heh heh! No spells can kill the great Harry Potter! Bwahahahahaha! Time to get the snitch! _Swoops down for the snitch. Get's next to the Slytherin Seeker._ Get out of my fricken way._ Starts pushing each other._

_ Push...Push. Push...Push! For some reason he gets out of the way. Maybe because their about to fall._

Harry Since I burnt both my hands when I was in the fireplace. I should use my mouth and swallow the ditch! I mean snitch!

_Harry swallows the snitch and falls down. He coughes up the snitch_.

Gryffindor Yeah!

Hooch  Gryffindor wins!

Harry Woo! Woo! Yeah!_ Gets hit by a bludger in the back of his head and faints._

Harry Thank you god._ Faints._

* * *

_ Woo! I liked this chapter A LOT! I thought it was funny! I wanna know how you people like it so come on and give me some reviews!_


	11. The Mirror of Harry

_Remember to laugh if you think somethings funny! Okay. Okay. Here is the chapter!_

* * *

_Outside the grounds..._

Harry So as you can see! Snape tried to kill me and-

Hermione And is trying to find something in the trapdoor.

Harry I thought you were going to say he tried to make steal my gum and by gum I don't mean my gum! It's the chewing gum!

Ron_ Sob sob._ He got away with it!

Hagrid Why the hell would Snape wanna do that.

Harry Because he's an ass.

Hermione Oh Harry you fudrucker!

Hagrid Oh right! But he wanted want what's under the trapdoor!

Ron So you knew!

Harry Nice Ron! You got into some action! This time a smart one!

Ron That's because I'm an idiot!

Harry I take back everything I said.

Hermione The point is that how do you know?

Hagrid My pet fluffy is there! The three headed Hellhound!

Harry That thing has a name!?

Hagrid Yeah! You got to name your pet! Don't you?

Ron When were you in this conversation!?

Hermione Ron. He's the one that started the conversation!

Ron Nuh uh! Harry is the one that started all this!

Hagrid Ugh! Hermione's right! I started talking then Harry then Ron then Hermione! Ugh! Shut up you idiots!

Harry What's under the trap door?

Hagrid It is not your buisiness but Dumbledores and Nicolas Flamel!

_Harry and Hermione looks at him._

Ron I think you mean Nicolas CAGE!

Hermione I do too. You said the wrong thing but that's okay.

Ron Did you hear he was going to be a ghost rider in Ghost Rider?

Hermione Everybody did!

Harry You idiots! Hermione! You're supposed to be the smart one!

Hermione I know but I'm off duty. That's where I got all these bracelets cause I acted dumb._ Shows ot 1 of her arm and there was 25 bracelets._ Cool huh?

Ron Yeah! I wish I had those!

_Hagrid, Harry, and Hermione stares at Ron._

Ron What? Was it what I said?

Harry WE'RE OFF TOPIC! NICOLAS FLAMEL IS A DUDE! A COMPLETELY NEW DUDE!!!

Hagrid Oh crap.

_In the Great Hall._

Harry Ass to D4._ Chess piece moves._

Ron ...Pervert to D4._ Chess piece kills another Chess Piece._

Hermione That's so Bombarid! That's a waste of money.

Ron That's Wizard Chess!

Harry More like Inappropiate Chess.

Hermione Since I'm going to be out on Christmas you 2 will look for a book on Nicolas Flamel.

Ron We looked a hundred times!

Hermione Hmm. I guess your right!

Harry Good action Ron!

Hermione We better look 1 last time.

Harry I take back everything I said!

_In the Library..._

Ron How do you read a book?

Hermione YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ!?

Harry I read only my books but on audio tapes. I read books with only 0 words.

Hermione Only a blank book has that! You read by touching your book. Then-

Harry and Ron Augh! It burns! Help me God! Ahhh! I'm melting!

_Hermione opens Harry's and Ron's book._

Hermione Read.

Harry What are those scripts?

Hermione Words!!!!!

Ron Ahh they burn!

_10 minutes later._

Harry Can we go now!? We've been here for 3 days.

Hermione 3 DAYS! We've only been here for 10 minutes.

Ron All those minutes were shits.

_1 hour later._

Harry What are you gonna do with all that junk?_ Ron joins in._ All that junk inside your trunk!? I gonna get get get you drunk! Get you love drunk off my hump! My hump my hump! My hump my hump my hump! my hump my hump my hump! My lovely lady lumps! Check it out!

Hermione Shut the hell up you asses!

People Shh!

_7 hours later Harry and Ron are asleep._

Hermione Guys! Guys wake up! The librarys closing!

Ron Whada Whada Whada!?

Harry The library is closing! Yes! We finally are free from reading and all those craps!

Hermione I want you to go to the Restricted are after Christmas.

Harry and Ron SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Christmas._

Ron Harry! Wake up! It's christmas

Harry Okay! I'll dress up and go to class! Geez!

Ron We don't have class! It's Christmas! Get your presents!

Harry I've got presents!

Ron Hell yeah you did!

_In the Christmas tree._

Harry I got an ugly sweater! Only a bastard would give me this! Ron! You're wearing it!

Ron What! It was from my mum! Hey! Fred and George got me Berties Bott every flavor beans!_ Eats bean. _Eyaw! What the hell! It's impossible to eat!

Harry Hey! I got a cigar from Snape! I wanna smoke it!_ Sees there is no fire nearby so Harry throws it away._

Ron Someone gave me a book! What a retard!

Harry Hey! I got a book too!_ Looks at each other ._

Both Hermione._ Throws book in a nearby trashcan._

Harry Look! Neville sent me something! An apple! AN APPLE! What an idiot! _Throws apple away in the same trash can._

Ron Hey! Malfoy sent me a Necklessr! How nice! But I still hate him.

Harry Uh Ron. That's not a Neckless. THAT'S A NAPALM! _Normal voice._ Aka bomb. TAKE COVER!

Ron I'll take that last present nearby! _Takes the last present and runs to a fireplace that is not on fire._

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!**

Harry Sweet! A present for me!_ Opens up the present. _A cloak!!! Which fatso would send me this!? Hey there's a note! You read it Ron.

Ron Ahh! The 1 word! They burn!_ Throws note away in a nearby trash can._

Harry_ Wears cloak._ My bodies gone! Sweet! I love this cloak! Hey thinking of what I'm thinking!?

Ron Lets go see the girls take a shower!?

Harry Um. Not really. I thought about it and we're going the restricted library and find something about Nicolas Flamel but if we have time we'll do your idea.

Ron Wait a minute! WE! There is no we! You're on your own on this dude.

Harry Fine.

_In the library. Harry looks at a random book and picks one out._

Book AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry Dude! alm down! Nothings going to kill us.

Book Not that! You're going to end up in detention if Filch finds you!

Harry Hold on! Filch is here!

Book Hell yeah!

Harry I gotta get out of here! Thanks um...

Book The Book of Yell.

Harry Thanks "The Book of Yell!"_ Runs away._

_Soon Harry sees Snape choking Quirrel._

Snape Admit it, Squrrel! NOW!

Quirrel B-b-but I n-never d-d-d-did it!

Harry_ Whispering._ Worlds record of stuttering in did.

Snape You don't want me as your enemy.

Harry Don't worry. You already are.

Snape Who said that!

Harry Harry. Harry Potter.

Snape Oh._ Turns back to Snape while Harry runs away._ Wait a minute!

_Harry_ _finds himself in a room with a mirror._

Harry Hmm. I think I do need a little trim in the edges._ Harry's parents appears on the mirror._ What the hell! Ahh! there's bastards in the mirror. Hey there not hurting me! Sweet! Hey! Ron doesn't get to see his face in a mirror this good! I better show him how he looks!

_In Ron's room._

Ron Oh! Harry! I wanna marry you! I do! Yes!

Harry Ehh. Ron? Are you gay?

Ron Whadda whadda whadda!?

Harry There's a mirror that doesn't show a devil unlike the other mirror._ Points to a mirror with a devil in it._

Devil I will kill you!

Ron Really!? Sweet!

_Back in the mirror room._

Harry See!? Right there!

Ron Hey you're right! I do need a little front trim ehh?

Harry I guess you're right and I need get that curl off.

Ron Yeah. I guess the mirror here is not from hell!

Harry I know! But I'm wondering why these 2 bastards are there always smiling._ Points to them._

Ron Maybe it's an illusion.

Harry Maybe.

Ron Well! I'm leaving!_ Leaves room._

_Later Harry is staring into the mirror. Dumbledore then appears._

Dumbledore Back again Harry?

Harry Ahh! Oh. It's you again.

Dumbledore Ahh! I see you're back to se the mirror of erised! Tell me. Do you know what it does?

Harry ...yes. I suppose I do. It shows you what you are-

Dumbledore Blah blah blah! WRONG! It shows you what you are desperete for and can't survive without it.

Harry_ Looks at Dumbledore with an angry look. _That's what I said you old shit! Are you bloody deaf!?

Dumbledore Shut up! Leave this room at once!

_Harry's about to leave and sticks his middle finger at Dumbledore._

Dumbledore You little shit! Rah!_ Starts running._

_2 minutes later._

Dumbledore Ha! Pant pant pant. Rah!

Harry ..._drinks Mountain Dew._

_1 hour later._

Dumbledore Hyah!

_Dumbledore has been running for 62 minutes and ran a half a centimeter while there's 2 meters to get to Harry._

Harry Yawn. I leaving._ Leaves room._

Dumbledore You little shit!

* * *

_Boom Baby!_ _I like this chapter! I laughed at Dumbledore when he ran for 62 minutes and a half a centimeter! How slow! What do you think of the story?_


	12. Nicolas Info and Norbert

_ Sorry I didn't write anything yesterday. I was building my early birthday gift. (Jabba's Sailbarge for lego.) Don't wanna brag about it. Well here's the chapter!_

* * *

_ In the library._

Hermione How can I be so stupid! I looked in the dog's place by accident! The nerdy dogs growled at me!_ Points to dogs wearing glasses. They are growling at Hermione._ Good thing I found the book on Nicolas Flamel!

Harry Oh! What did you find out!?

Hermione  He was Dumbledore's partner and was the inventor of the sorcerer's stone!

Harry Sorcerer's bone?

Harmione No! Sorcerer's Stone! The Sorcerer's Stone is a stone that can turn metal into pure gold and make you am imortal life!

Ron Wow! Where did you find it!? I looked at an area that printed NICOLAS FLAMEL. I knew it was the wrong place.

_Harry and Hermione stares at Ron._

Harry and Hermione Stupid. Ron you're such an idiot!

Ron What!? Gasp! You didn't hear about the time I peed in my pants! Did you!?

_Everybody in the room laughes._

Harry Thanks for teeling us your big secret! Hahahahaha!

Ron NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody PEALAKE! PEALAKE! PEALAKE!

_Ron starts crying._

Hermione Oh! Suck it up you big baby!

Ron Sob! Ahhh! Wah wah wah! I hate sob you! Damn you!_ Stands up on his chair._ Damn you all!

_Harry trips Ron. Ron falls down and hits his groin on his chair._

Neville Right in the groin!

Seamus Uh. Neville? I thought you said you were never ever going to libary ever again since Harry hanged on a spider on you and you thought it was real.

Harry Heh heh!

_Outside the grounds at night the trios are in Hagrid's step._

Harry Open up! Open up you big oat!

Hagrid_ Opens door up and points his shotgun at the trio._ Say hello to my little friend!

Ron Hello. _BAM!_ Augh! _Goes flying 2 yards away._

Hermione We know about the Sorcerer's Stone!

Hagrid Good for you! Now go! Go! Go n- wait a minute! What did you say!

Ron We know about the Sorcerer's Crow!

Harry Stone for Jesus Christ! Stone!

Hagrid Oh. You better come in then if you know.

_In Hagrid's hut._

Hermione Snape. Snape wants the stone.

Hagrid Why the damn would Snape want the Sorcerer's Stone!?

Harry Because he is evil and wants to give to his Master! Lord Voldemort.

_Everybody but Harry and Hagrid gasps._

Hagrid Oh right. But that explains nothing! Snape is just a big wacko but so what!

Ron Hagrid's right. It might have been Quirrel or something.

Hermione Oh shut up! Hagrid! I understand it makes no sense but wait a minute! It all does make sense! Snape wants the fricken stone

Hagrid Will you shut up!_ Goes to a fireplace that has a pot that has an egg in it and takes it._

Ron Whoa! I know what that is!

Harry You said something smart!

Ron Shut up Ron!

Harry I take it back.

Hermione Where'd you get it?

Hagrid A trader down at the pug! Told him about Fluffy for the egg! Wow was he happy that he stormed out of the pug.

Hermione How did he look like?

Hagrid His face was covered in a hood. Couldn't see him.

Harry Shut up! The egg's hatching!

_The egg starts hatching. Then it breaks and there stood a dragon._

Ron Wow! A Norwegian Ridgeback! It's a wonder why that awknown person was happy!

Dragon I am Lord Voldemort!(Baby voice.)

Hagrid Oh! He just talked! Aw. Isn't he cute. Aw. Norbert you are so cute!

Harry Norbert? Who the hell is this Norbert dude!?

Hagrid The dragon! Aww. Look! He even knows his mommy.

Trio Mommy?

Hagrid Um. Er. You haven't heard anything!

Dragon I did! Oh no! Dust is in my nose! Ah choo!_ Hagrid's beard is on fire._

Hagrid HOLY SHIT! BAD NORBERT!

_Harry sees someone out in the window. The guy looks at them and runs away. They hear an Ahh! As if someone tripped on a rock._

Harry Malfoy.

Hagrid Oh sweet! You're in trouble! You're in trouble! Hahahaha!_ Norbert breathes fire on Hagrid._ Haha...ha...ha...ha...ha. IT BURNS! OH SHIT!_ Starts running around everywhere._

* * *

_ Heh heh. Poor Hagrid. This was a bit funny. I am sorry to say but in about 4 chapters the story shall end. It's a good and sad thing. Well what did you think of this chapter!?_


	13. The Punishment Forest

_ Woo! Another chapter! This is going to funny! If you want to laugh please do but please! Don't die from your laughter. Well here it is!_

* * *

_ In the castle._

Harry SWEET! WE DIDN'T GET CAUGHT!

_Malfoy comes out of no where._

Malfoy There! The stupid trio is there!

_Proffesor McGonagall appears._

McGonagall Harry, Hermione, Bon come with me.

Ron I'm not a Bon bon!

_In this punish room._

McGonagall 50 points from you.

Harry 50! That's like a devil taking out his trident and stabbing us all!

Hermione One already stabbed Peeves! _Points at Peeves who is a poltrgiest so he can't be killed._

McGonagall Really!? Sweet! Since you showed me that Malfoy will join you in your Punishment and Slytherin will lose 50 points.

Malfoy What the hell! & yo! & you all! You're all a pile of shit!

Hermione Oh shut up Malfoy! It's better than err. Um. Well actually. Hmm. Death! It's better than death!

Ron SHUT UP! LETS JUST SAY I'M A PILE OF SHIT!

McGonagall Will you 4 shut up!

Harry I didn't say anything!

McGonagall Well now you did! You'll meet Filch at 11:00 tonight.

Harry NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_ Outside._

Filch Oh this is mighty bad for all of you. You must spend a hard day in a terrible place at night.

Malfoy I'm brave and bold! Nothing can scare me.

Filch We're going to the Forbidden Forest.

Malfoy _ Screams like a little girl._ GOD! HELP ME! NO!!

Harry Oh shut up you ass!

Hermione HARRY! You know. I have a feeling you're going to die in the last book. Spend your 7 years wisely.

Harry Right. Right. I only have 7 years until I'll die like Peter, Edmund, and Lucy from Narnia. Poor Susan didn't die with them. Hey! What happened to Susan in the end?

Ron I don't know. All we know is that she has a terrible life because her siblings has died. How sad.

Filch We're off topic! Who the hell cares about Narnia!

Trio and Malfoy I do.

Filch Crap. Well guys. Here we go. _Hagrid comes from his hut looking sad._ Hagrid will be your guide today. All you have to do is spend the night in the Forbidden Forest.

Hagrid Sniff. He's gone. He's gone forever. He was just a little dragon.

Filch Oh suck it up you hag. No one cares about your dragon Norbert. You know dragons don't make good pets.

Hermione He's got a point there. By the way. He'll be with his own types. Oh wait. The other dragons will hate him.

Hagrid Hell yeah Geek! Well. If I must take you 4 to the Forbidden Forest. Follow me.

_In the Forbidden Forest._

Hagrid Okay! Ron and Hermione stays with me.

Ron and Hermione But I wanted to be with Harry! Why do you have to be with us!

Hagrid Because I need protection by a pervert and Geek. I'm very scared of the forest. Shudder.

Harry Then why did you come here in the first place?

Hagrid I betted Dumbledore 50 galleons that I can stay in the Forbidden Forest for a whole night.

Malfoy Well you made it to Midnight. Only 11 hours to go!

Hagrid Harry and Malfoy. You 2 go together.

Harry and Malfoy WHAAAAA!!!!!! THAT'S NO FAIR!

Hagrid AHHH!!! Fang's with me! You take him!

Malfoy Fine.

_In the Forbidden Forest Harry and Malfoy and Fangs are walking in the woods._

Malfoy I'll tell my father about this.

Harry What the hell is it with you and your father! Don't you have any differences!?

Malfoy By the fact I have more hair gel then him!

Harry Oh right. Look! We found what we needed to find! A unicorn that's alive!_ A dude in a black cloak comes out of nowhere and kills the unicorn and drinks its blood._ Oh shit.

Malfoy That's not scary! I have Fang with me!_ Sees Fang's not with him._ On the second thought._ Runs away screaming._

Harry What the hell! It's just a guy in a cloak._ Trips on a log._ Oh shit! I'm so gonna die! Better say my last words. I'm a barbie girl! In a barbie world! Life in plastic! It's fantastic! You comb my hair and dress me anywhere!

Unicorn (Weakly) Yo. Typer. Why did you pick that song? Oh!_ Dies._

Harry Well here's my death! Please god take me to hell! Heaven is too nice and I know I'm meant for it but please! Anything but Heaven. Hey! Is there anything called Helven?

_Centaur comes out of nowhere and scares the dude in a black cloak away._

Harry Dude! What is your problem! I was just about to be killed!

Centaur You wanted to be killed!? Very sorry sir. Why are you in the Forbidden Forest? It's not safe.

Harry Nah. There's cute little bunnies and little friendly wolves here. It's not such a bad place really!

Centaur Right. Well. Now what.

Harry Ever heard of Narnia?

Centaur Duh! Who didn't! Who's your favorite character? Mines Eustice.

Harry Eustice! To hell with that guy! I like Edmund!

Centaur The guy that got stabbed by the White Witch.

Harry Yeah! Yeah! That was very sad. But he lived!

Hagrid Oy! Harry! What the beep are you doing there!? That's an evil centaur!

Centaur Well it looks like your journey ends here. You must go.

Harry But I hate that giant! He's a fatty and is such an idiot! Do I have to go with him!

Centaur I'll pay you 25 sickles.

Harry Bye!

* * *

_It was sort of funny. Right? I know I added in Narnia when this was supposed to be a Harry Potter Parody. I just can't stand Narnia! Well the only way I know how this chapter is Dun dun dun! REVIEWS!_


	14. Dumb Dumbledore is gone

_Woot! Only 2 chapters left until the story's over! I can't wait! Pinch me! OW! I meant the expression! Hahahaha! The next American Idol is Chapter 14!_

* * *

_In the grounds._

Harry Ahh! My scar! It burns.

Ron_ Turns off his flashlight._ Sorry.

Harry_ Takes flashlight and snaps it in half._ That's what is going to happen to you if you do that again!

Hermione Is the pain gone?

Harry Maybe. Oh fine! Yes. OW! The pain!

Ron _Blows out his candle._ Eh heh. Sorry!

Harry WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT!

Hermione Well how about you play your flute Harry? Everybody here has done their exams. Put a little song to it.

Ron You play a flute! What a girl! And I thought I was stupid!

Harry It was my early birthday gift from Hermione. I play the Clarinet.

Ron Claire and Harry sitting in a tree. BPL19MZ. First comes mairage then comes love and then a peanut in a peanut glass!

Harry... That was just...disturbingly stupid.

_Trio sees Hagrid playing a flute in the tune of Hedwig Song._

Ron Hagrid! You play the flute! You are a hag!

Hagrid What brings you here today?

Harry Boredism.

Hermione How did the stranger you saw look like?

Hagrid Are you guys deaf! I told you 2 days ago! He was in a cloak! Couldn't see him!

Harry What did he ask you? What question?

Hagrid He asked me how to get past Fluffy. Haha. I told him all you need is a little music and that pup goes straight to sleep!

_The trio stares at each other amazed and then runs away._

Hagrid You know that's not a very nice thing to do! Kids._ Continues playing Hedwig song._

Harry We have to tell Dumbledore Snape is going to try and steal the stone!

Ron Why? Let Voldemort keep the damn stone. I mean. Maybe he's using it to keep it for his rock collection!

Hermione Oh shut up!

Ron You shut up!

_Starts saying shut up to each other. 2 hours later._

Hermione Shut up you perv!

Ron You shut up geek!

Harry Ahh. The sayings of love. I hate to say it but...SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!_Hermione and Ron stops saying shut up to ech other and looks at Harry._

Ron and Hermione SHUT UP!

_In Proffesor McGonagall's desk Proffesor McGonagall and Dumbledore starts kissing each other while Dumbledore is also drinking beer. The trio sees everything._

Trio Ahh! IT BURNS!

_Dumbledore and McGonagall stops kissing each other. Dumbledore smiles nervousley and runs away._

Harry Is it done!?

McGonagall What do you mean? What is done?

Hermione You were k-k-k-k-kissing each other! You and Dumbledore!

Harry By Dumbledore. Where is he?

McGonagall Something to do with the ministry. AKA he's gone.

Ron Gone! But we just Dumbledore and you having a secret date! I mean look at those beers!_ Points at the frosty beers._

McGonagall Oh! About that. Um. I'm an alcoholic! That's right! You heard it right!

Hermione Don't you mean Dumbledore is an alcoholic?

McGonagall Um well. Er. Wow you got me there. Oh! Well you're a no it all!

_Hermione starts crying and runs away._

Ron Come back to me Hermione I love you!_ Chases after Hermione._

_Harry and McGonagall looks at each other._

McGonagall Um. Well this is weird. Oh hey! Ever heard of the WII?

Harry Holy crap! You mean to say you have it!

McGonagall Yup! Wanna play Zelda?

Harry Sure! Oh! I can't wait to see the game!

McGonagall Oh! It has a lot of action!

Harry Sweet!

* * *

_Hahahaha! I never knew Proffesor McGonagall had a WII! Well I knew this was quite short but hey! The story is going to end soon! Good for me and bad for you. Wait for the next chapter! P.S. No I don't have a WII. My friend does. I didn't really get to play with it though._

* * *

Return to Top 


	15. Crap! There's Challenges!

_ Hello my fans once again! I know it's been a day since I ever typed on this story. Sorry about that. I was busy yesterday. Anyway forget about what I'm saying and oh! In the chapter Dumb Dumbledore is gone I changed movie to music. Sorry about that. Here is your next chapter to read!_

* * *

_In the outside of the castle._

Hermione Now what do we do?

Ron Commit Suicide.

_Harry comes out of nowhere._

Harry Ho cha! Sling shot! Sword swing! Hey? You guys up for fishing?

_Ron and Hermione stands there. Crickets starts chirping._

Hermione Harry. What have you been doing there for the past 7 hours?

Harry Playing vidio games and drinking non stop of red bull because as the commercial say! _Twitch twitch._ Red bull gives you wings!

Ron ...yeah. Uh you're just hyper and acting like the idiot! ME!

Harry What are you up to!?

Hermione Incase you haven't notice Snape's right behind you.

Harry No he isn't!_ Swings his arms from his hyperness and kept on hitting Snape's nuts._

Snape OW! Oh that feels good. OW! Oh that feels good. OW! WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT POTTER!

_Trio turns around and sees Snape._

Harry What the hell! Were you tracking us! I have a stick and is not afraid to use it!

Snape_ Takes out a potion and puts it on the tip of the stick. The stick starts melting._ Whatcha gonna do now!?

Harry Run?

Ron No point of doing so.

Harry Go hyper?

Hermione We'll lose house point.

Harry Oh go to hell you two! What in the world do you want from us because I don't have any gum wrappers anymore!

Snape You know. Your chilidish act makes people um. Think your up to something.

Ron Yeah we are bro! We are up to something baaaaaaaaad!

Harry and Hermione Oh shut up!

Snape Oh grow up!_ walks away._

Hermione What do we do now?

Ron Commit suicide?_ Takes out a bazooka._

Harry Uh Ron. Where did you get that?

Ron I dunno. Things appears from my pocket._ Pulls out a volley ball, the empire state building, a car, and a jetpack._

Harry How does all those fit in your pocket? Hey where did you get a jetpack?

Ron Stole it from Fred and George.

Hermione I've been thinking and finally came up with an answer. We meet each other in the Gryfindor Common Room and then we go to the third floor.

Harry and Ron _Blink. Blick. Rolling eyes._ Only because the book says so.

_In the Gryffindor Common Room._

Ron Lalalalalalalalalalalala. I'm bored.

Neville You should be!

Harry Oh my god! When were you here!?

Neville 5 days.

Hermione What do you eat?

Neville Gryffindor pets.

Harry Holy shit! I have to hide Hedwig when I have a chance!_ Imagines Hedwig is sufficating in a wardrobe yelling "Help!"_ That's awesome. Anyway get out of here!

Neville No! I can't let you! I-I-I-I'll fight you!

Ron When Harry says to go, GO! You have disobeyed the boy who lived's command!

Neville You're right! I'm an idiot!_ Runs away crying._

_ Everybody looks at Ron._

Ron Hey! At least he ran away!

_In the door to the dog._

Harry Invisibility coat? Check. Me? Check. Ron and Hermione gone?_ Look around and sees Ron and Hermione is with them._ Ehh. One check is leftout.

Hermione I never cast one spell in this story so I will open this door.**Alohomora!**_ Door opens._

Ron The hellhound's asleep.

Harry Yeah maybe cause there's a harp her! Remember what Hagrid said? Music will let it go to sleep.

Ron I liked the hyper Harry!

Hermione Harry! Sing!

Harry I'm Harry James Potter! You can call me Harry Crap Potter! But before you know it! You'll be dead!

_Dog starts whining and steps aside._

Ron Hey! What gives!?

Ugly dog face The boy's song!

Wolf dog face It said he's going to kill us!

Weird Dog face Do you have any red bulls?

Harry Oh shut up and let us go through the trap door! I don't wanna get all slimy and dirty!

Dog Sorry!_ Smashes trapdoor._ Please enter!

_Trio falls down and finds themselves in a vines._

Harry Cool! A bouncy surface!

Hermione this is devil snares! Stop moving you two!

Ron We're not! We wanna get out of here so that I can play a big chess board and get hit by the queen and faint!

Hermione Give it something it'll like and then you'll fall down alive. Watch!_ Give Devil snare a ds and falls down._

Harry WHOA! SWEET! I wanna come with you!_ Gives devil snare a game for ds and falls down with Hermione._

Ron Err. Want a bazooka?

Devil Snares What do you wanna do!? KILL US!

_Down under._

Harry I'm leaving. Lets go and see what the next challenge is!

Hermione NO! We have to get Ron!

Harry Well he's just a weirdo! Let's go!

Hermione I remember this spell in Herboligy! Devil Snares hate sunlight!** Lumos Solem!**

_Ron_ comes flying down.

Ron Thanks Hermione!

Harry Oh shut up you idiot!

_Opens a door and finds themselves in a room filled with keys._ _Keys that are flying. _

Harry Wow a broom! I'm getting on!

Hermione No Harry! Wait!

Harry Oops! Too late._ Keys comes fluttering down on Harry mad._ Get off me you perverts!_ Zooms into the air!_

Ron Oh he is so dead.

Hermione Get the key with the broken wing!

_Harry keeps on waving his arm and is trying to get the key with a broken wing. Suddenly the keys goes flying away._ _The keys comes back with more reinforcement. I know this is getting quite annoying. Okay I'll shut up now._

Harry Ugh! Stop it or I'll melt you before you can say a. Wait you can't talk so that was a bad insult. _Catches key and gives it to Hermione. Hermione unlocks the door and waits for Harry to zoom in._ Yeehaw!_ Goes through the door._

_ Trio finds themselves in a chess room._

Ron Yes! The part where I get hurt! Okay I'll be the leader and move the pieces!

Harry Who says?

Hermione Jk Rowling did.

Harry Oh yeah.

Ron Okay! Now Harry you be the bishop. Hermione. You be the castle AKA rook. I'll be the knight._ Moves his lips in a really unique way._

_ Trio goes on the chess board._

Ron First the opposite team moves._ The pawn moves 2 squares ahead._ Then we play.

Hermione You don't think this is like Wizard chess? Don't you?

Ron Nah. Pawn to D4!_ The pawn gets killed._ Um. Don't worry! Nothing happened.

_Shows Bishop being killed, then pawn, then knight, then pawn for the white. Then shows black pawn being killed. Then shows white rook being killed. _

Ron Sweet! My favorite part of the story! I get hurt!

Harry Yes! We'll give a checkmate to the opposite team and then we win! Yay! Go kill yourself Ron!

Ron Okay! Knight to E3!_ Knight moves in an L shape and then gets hit by the queen. Ron falls down._

Harry and Hermione Yes! I'll/Harry checkmate the king!

Harry_ Walks diagonally to the king._ Checkmate._ Dramatic music starts while the king drops his sword._ Yay we win! Thanks Ron for the sacrifice!

Hermione I think he's dead.

Harry Oh blah! Who cares about that pervert!

Hermione I'm taking him to the Hospital wing.

Harry And you're going to leave me over Ron! Oh how I despise you! You geek! You betrayder! You-!

Hermione I got the message. Good luck Harry.

Harry Pff. Like that'll help!_ Walks away._

Hermione Oh he's screwed.

Harry I heard that!

_

* * *

Wow! That was the longest chapter I ever wrote! Stay tuned for the next chapter! Okay! Because it'll be the last one here! I can't wait to finish my first story! I hoped you like this chapter people! Please give me reviews! Thank you for reading._


	16. OMG! The end!

_ Hello once again my fans to the last chapter of this story. Don't worry. I'll make a Chamber of Secrets Parody. This chapter will be the last. Yup the last! By the way. Lots of thanks to Rabid Lawn Gnome for the reviews that I was given. It made me feel good. Well here's the story!_

* * *

_ In this room._

Harry So we meet again Snape.

? guy That's just what I should be saying to you!

Harry Hey! That sounds awfully a lot like!

Quirell_ Turns around._ Yes. It is I Quirell.

Harry Oh. I was going to say Proffesor Flitwick but I guess you're okay to be my enemy. Yo dude! Where's the stuttering problem?

Quirell Oh yeah! I forgot!

Voice Quirrell. Use the boy to get the stone!

Harry Holy crap! The spirits are calling!

Quirrell Potter! Come here.

Harry Make me.

Quirrell I'll get you a bunny for Christmas._ Harry comes down and looks at a mirror._ Tell me. What do you see.

Harry_ Sees himself swimming in a pool of soda._ I see myself swimming in a pool of soda.

Voice Tell the truth!

Harry I just did you bastard! Now I see myself with a red stone. Hey! It's really there!

Quirrell Did you know you just helped me?

Harry Really! Crap! I have got to stop that!

Quirrell Give me the stone!

Harry Okay. _Gets ready to give Quirrell the stone._ Phych!

Voice Show my face. Harry must see me.

Quirrell But you are not strong enough!

Voice I got enough power I need.

Harry Will you stop talking to yourself. It really freaks the hell out of me.

Quirrel I think you should know the truth now Harry.

Harry I already know! When you do multiplication it is repeating addition! Okay!

Quirrel Not that. It is this._ Takes off his turban until he gets stuck._ Can you help me with this Harry?

Harry Sure!_ Helps take off Quirrell's turban._

Voldemort Ahh. Harry Potter. Do you see what I have become?

Harry A weird snakey dude who's nose changes in book 4?

Voldemort I'm mad of that sentence! Give Quirrell the stone!

Harry NOOOO!_ Gets ready to run away but fire suddenly appears. Runs through the fire._ That was easy.

Voldemort Come back here coward!

Harry Fine two face! Only cause you called me coward. _Came back in from the fire._

Voldemort Here's the deal. If you give me the stone your parents will not be harmed.

Harry What in the fricken world! Those 2 bastards in the mirror were my parents! They look so ugly!

Voldemort Give me the stone!

Harry Never!

Voldemort Kill him! _Quirrell/Voldemort somehow glided in the air and choked Harry._

Harry Is that the best you can do? _Quirrell/Voldemort choked even harder._ Ack! OH SHIT! GET OFF OF ME YOU BASTARD!_ Takes off Quirrell's/Voldemort's hand._

Quirrell Holy crap! What is this magic!?

Voldemort Kill him you weakling! You'll be killed which means I have another body!

Harry Wow. You still talk to yourself. _Touches Quirrell's/Voldemort's face and burns it._ Sizzle Sizzle Sizzle! Uh huh! Sissle Sissle Sissle! Uh huh!

Quirrell STOP IT YOU BASTARD! I'LL GIVE YOU ALL Fs IN YOUR GRADES AND TEST!

Harry I don't give a crap about that! Hey you're turning into stone! _Looks at Quirrell's/Voldemort's nuts_. Do I have to!

Quirrell If you wanna kill me yes!

Harry Oh man! _Shut his eyes and touches Quirrell's nuts._ Aw sick! Yuck! Oh my god!

_Quirrell tries to get Harry but his legs starts crumbling. Then his whole body crumbled. A soul came out of it._

Harry Holy shit! A hurricane! _Wind hits Harry. Harry faints._

Harry ... What the hell! I'm in a hospital wing! Oh my god! Candy!

Dumbledore So what brings you here?

Harry HOLY CRAP! WHEN DID YOU COME HERE!?

Dumbledore 2 weeks ago.

Harry Oh. I am here because I was injured by a hurricane and save all you're asses!

Dumbledore So how do you like your food?

Harry Very much. What the hell! Someone sent me a cabbage! What a retard!

Dumbledore That was from me.

Harry What the hell! I saved all your asses and in return I get a cabbage!

Dumbledore Get out of here you bastard!

_In the stairs. Harry sees Hermione and Ron._

Harry What gives!? I thought you two were going die!

Ron and Hermione HEY! That was mean!

Harry Oh shut up you retards! Let's go to the ceremoney!

Ron Ceremoney?

Harry Aargh! Today is the last day we stay in Hogwarts!

Ron Oh yeah.

_In the great hall._

Dumbledore Let the Ceremoney! Begin! With Gryffindor! With a total of 312 points!_ Weak applauds from the Gryffindor table._ In Hufflepuff! With a total of 352 points!_ Low applauds from the Hufflepuff table. _Ravenclaw! With 426! _Strong applauds from the Ravenclaw table._ For Slytherin! How is 472?_ Ear drum destroying applauds from the Slytherin table._

Harry Hey! That's not fair! I save all your butts and in return Gryffindor loses the house cup! That is sooooooo not fair dude!

Dumbledore For Ron's great idiot act! 50 points! _Gryffindor table cheers._ For Hermione's Know-it-all act! 50 points!

Hermione Excuse me! I am not a know it all!

Dumbledore Since Harry's help saved all our asses and the Sorcerer's Stone has been destroyed!

Harry Hey! You never told me that!

Dumbledore 60 points! Since I want Gryffindor to win I will award them 10 house points from Neville! Gryffindor wins the house cup!

_Gryffindor table goes all crazy._

Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!_ Starts crying._

_ At the train station._

Hagrid Well. Now I won't be seeing you for a long time ehh? Hey! I got a present for ya!_ Hands Harry a book._

Harry WHAT! YOU EXPECT ME TO STUDY OVER THE SUMMER!?

Hagrid NO! That is your family gallery book but now that you mention it._ Gives Harry stacks of books._

Harry Hell no am I studying!_ Throws books away in a nearby trash can._

Hagrid Well since you're leaving._ Gets ready to give Harry a hug._

Harry Oh no no no! No touchie! You can't touch me! Bye Hagrid!

Hagrid Bye!

Ron So what did he say?

Harry Gave me books to study. I threw them away though.

Hermione WHAT!

Harry Here's our train. I'll sorta miss you guys. Bye!

Ron Bye!

Hermione Bye!

Harry _Opens his bag and sees a gallery family book._ Holy crap! It's here! Stop looking at me!

* * *

_Hahaha! I hope you liked this story! I'll make a Chamber of Secrets Parody in like one week. Gotta think of Ideas for it. Wow. It feels good finishing your first book ever. Even though I'm done with the story you still can give me some reviews. Thank you to all my fellow fans! I'll try making the next parody even funnier! I promise._


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